I told you my brain was fried this Holy Week. So here it is, the first, the last guide you will ever need regarding crew/vendor meals, especially that of videographers.

1. If you ask us to come by 12 noon or earlier, kindly serve us lunch.

2. If it’s a morning wedding, a steaming pot of brewed coffee is much appreciated. It does wonders for the grumpy non-morning persons.

3. During December and January, when we shoot three or four straight weddings at a time, It’s not funny anymore when you’re served Chickenjoy for the umpteenth time. They serve it at lunch and they serve it a dinner. I swear I’m going to grow godd@mn wings from eating all that chicken. One of my shooters has developed an allergy from it. I kid you not.

4. Yumburgers are nice if you want us to remember the taste of them well until midnight.

5. Thank God for creative coordinators who look beyond the usual fare - North Park, Max’s, Wendy’s, Binalot, TapaKing.

6. McDonald’s Cheeseburgers never get old.

7. It’s a good idea to have stuffed delivered way in advance. Not ten minutes before we leave for church.

8. Eating with plastic spoons and forks which break at the force of hardened steam rice (totally not the client’s fault) is like being trapped in the eighth circle of hell.

9. Gravy and Ketchup stains are not nice and are telltale signs of the slobs we really are. This comes in handy.

10. A tip for people who do weddings at Santuario de San Antonio. Nothing beats buying coldcuts at Santi’s, bread and greens at Rustan’s, you get instant gourmet sandwiches at a fraction of the price Starbucks and Deli France are charging.

11. We understand that we are not guests at your reception. Crew meals served at a function room or an allowance would be great (as long as the Hotel allows bringing in of food). Meals at the seventh level basement of the Hotel cafeteria are not.

12. If you are the couple and midway at the reception, you ask us “Kumain na kayo?” (Have you eaten?), we will invariably say yes, whether or not we have. We do not want to concern you with our trifles despite our near-fainting state.

13. As the head of my crew. I refuse to be served at the buffet while my crew has vendor meals. I appreciate the gesture but I’d take the vendor meal with my crew, thank you. This is not arrogance. This is being one with my team.

14.  Oh,  fellow documenters  of the wedding day, please take note of your trans-fat and cholesterol intake during the wedding day.  Gout seems to be common with the wedding photographers I work with pushing forty or so.  =)

There - I’m sure much will be added to this list as we go along.

Take this with tongue firmly in cheek. Jesus is still dead today so I’m jaded and dripping in sarcasm.

Cheers!

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The story of flight 5J904, originally scheduled at 515pm, Feb 29 from Caticlan to Manila:

1. You cancel the flight without notifying us.

2. You rebook us for an earlier flight which eventually gets cancelled after you let us wait for 2 hours.

3. You give us nary an apology and wait at the 11th hour to inform us. You ASSURE us a plane is waiting in Kalibo.

4. You herd us into a bus to Kalibo for a 90 minute ride we wanted to avoid in the first place.

5. Surprise! After the busride from hell - NO FRIKKIN’ PLANE BACK TO MANILA!

Cebu Pacific, you suck! If you can’t handle the Caticlan runway then don’t and save your passengers the torture.

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Over my seven-year career as a wedding videogrpaher, I’ve had my share of cancelled weddings.

The knee-jerk reaction of course is - Damn! What a wasted oppurtunity to make moolah!
The jerk reaction being - Hmm! I wonder what the inside scoop is?

Upon closer analysis you find that the reasons behind wedding cancellations are grave and run deep. I mean, who cancels weddings? It’s the stuff of soaps and hysterics of campy b-list actresses. Not.

You realize that there are pretty darn good reasons why the wedding must not push through. Incompatibility and infidelity not the least of them.

And if you look way way past the wasted effort and energy in the planning, the money lost on non-refundable deposits and the embarassment wrought upon the parties involved, you heave a sigh of relief because at least, at least!, man and woman called it quits before they got around to being called man and wife. Perhaps a brief period of “kahihiyan” (great embarassment) in exchange for a lifetime of wedded misery. A good trade I suppose.

I have this question on my long running FAQ page…

Is the person I’m going to marry truly the person for me?
I’m really not the person to ask, but if you insist… You know he/she is the right one if you can freely fart a loud squishy one in front of him/her without getting embarrassed.

The moral? There is none. Just think hard and deep before taking the plunge.

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